Perhaps the most important thing we need to realize about change, is that it can only occur within ourselves and for ourselves. We cannot expect other people to change. No matter how hard we try, if someone is not ready and willing to change for themselves, they just won't. We also cannot expect ourselves to change for other people, it has to be something we want for our own well-being, for our own lives.
I've invested a lot of time and energy in relationships, and friendships with people that I've wanted to change, or felt like I've needed to change myself for, but in the end, those are the ones that didn't work out. If we can accept who we are with people, and love others for exactly what they are right now, then we know we are in a good relationship. I think it was in Bridget Jones' Diary where the guy said "I love you just the way you are." That is how it should be, with our familes, our friends and our loved ones... we should be loved for exactly who we are, plain and simple.
On the flip side, it doesn't hurt to always want the best for ourselves and the people that we love. It is okay for me to work towards a better version of myself, as long as I fully accept and love who I am today. As I look back on my life and remember all the versions of myself over the years, I can't help but think of how much I've changed. I think about having a conversation with a 20 year old version of myself and how frustrating that would be for me today, and then I think forward to what my life will be like 20 years from now and that I'll have been through so many more changes. The most important thing for me to do right now is to live in "today" and welcome the future, but only as it unfolds.
So I guess in the end it's simple:
1. Love ourselves and others for who we are in this moment.
2. Know that we cannot expect others to change for us, nor can we expect ourselves to change for others.
3. Change cannot be forced or ignored; respect its timeline.
4. Nothing happens overnight.
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